Perseverance and Napping Go Hand in Hand

I'm serious about this title.  You think it's sarcasm.  Mm-hm.  I know what you're thinking.  But it's ok.  As you probably read in my first post (Is Writing from the Heart Really Worth It?), people will think what they're gonna think.  So go ahead.  Think it.  It's a free country.  But let me also tell you what I'm thinking.  It may change your life--maybe even your entire world.  

It was 1pm today and I had just about completed the first thing on my list.  Yay, that sounds good, right?  No, it doesn't.  Usually I get all three of my major writing projects for the day finished before noon, often before 10am.  But here it was 1:00 already and I had three short paragraphs to go before I would be done with only the first part of my first project.  (Yeah, don't ask where the time went.  Between laundry, checking on my gay social networks, not literally; I'm just mad at them right now, and deleting worthless emails I was now at 1pm.  Can't cry over spilled milk.  Just have to suck it up the best you can with a straw.  No pun intended.)  

As I pushed myself toward those remaining paragraphs I knew they would take me way longer than the three minutes they should take, so I did the persevering thing…and laid down for a nap.  I promised myself one hour.  

Ok, now say what you want to say.  "You should have just finished then you could have marked one thing off your list and at least felt a little successful, if rather behind on time still."  But my mind doesn't work that way.  I would have been pissed to take 20 minutes on a 3-minute job.  That would have opened the door to The Downward Spiral.  Does anyone know what I mean when I say that?  An hour later you find yourself hating life, hating yourself, hating those you love and hating what you love to do.  So you sit for another hour and analyze what made you start feeling this way.  And you track the whole pile of crap back to one tiny thought you let in, now two hours ago.  Yeah, for me that thought woulda been "You took 20 minutes to do a 3-minute job??'  You could have been taking a nap for Christ's sake!  Literally, for HIS sake because he works through your rest.  He knows your body has limitations so that's why he gave you the ability to SLEEP.  Quickly assessing my situation, I knew the only thing that would help me feel successful was to get an hour's rest then hit my work refreshed and able to work quickly.  

Anyone ever played The Sims?  It's a game on PC and Playstation 2 (and maybe other systems, I don't know).  Sounds funny, but that game taught me something.  It's a game that simulates real life.  You create a character, choose their outfit (they can change outfits too!), choose their hairstyle, skin color, etc.  Then they live in a house and you move them around and have them eat, sleep, hang out with friends, choose a job, get raises.  Even if you're not into game systems anymore, you would still enjoy this one.  I started playing it at age 31 after I already thought game systems were extremely childish.  (Yay younger boyfriends that make you young again!)  Anyhow, your "Sim" has bars that say how low they are on sleep, nourishment, comfort, socializing and so on.  Until this point, life had been difficult for me to figure out.  I thought everything had to be spiritual.  You know, read your Bible when you'd rather be reading the latest bestseller.  Pray when you'd rather be watching a movie.  Don't go to the movies because someone might think you're watching an R-rated one.  (But watch the R-rated ones at home where no one knows you're not forwarding any sex scenes or muting the cuss words?? I know, doesn't make sense.  But I fell for it too, for THIRTY YEARS!  Guess the joke's partially on me.  Lol)  And there's the ever-famous one, DON'T SLEEP, cause lack of sleep is somehow spiritual.  I don't know who came up with this shit but it's pretty hilarious.  Like those random state laws like "No one will hereby carry a duck on top of a refrigerator across the road."  I don't know that this one is actually a law but it's a very close example of ones I've read about.  

So there I was playing with my Sim (sounds kinda perverted, huh?  Haha.  Just kidding.) and I was trying to get her dishes washed, make some phone calls to friends, run her to the toilet before she peed herself, then suddenly, she just crumpled to the floor.  I hadn't been watching my sleep meter.  When it reached zero, my Sim shut down, just like that, snoring loudly.  No matter what I had been doing with her, she could no longer go on.  Her body took over and shut her down.  That's what happens to your real body when you don't get proper sleep and rest (yes, they are two different things).  

I read that 10-minute naps help, 30 helps more, 1 hr is great, 90 minutes lets you complete the sleep cycle and is the most beneficial.  I may not have gotten the medical explanations quite right, but it's what you believe that changes your life, right?  (Placebos anyone?)  So if you believe it the way I wrote it and it improves your life, to heck with correct terminology.  People want words they can understand, not a book they have to read that's joined at the hip with the dictionary. 
After my hour nap, I hit the computer again, got my three paragraphs done and the other stuff on my list.  That nap was the only way I could go on--could persevere and see my projects through.  It gave me the power I needed to get more done in less time.  Sometimes the greatest act of perseverance is lying down and taking a nap so you CAN persevere.  

I Want to Get My Hands in There and Change People

Did you ever meet someone who needed help, you talked to them, were understanding with them, encouraged them, but nothing ever changed?  They just kept being the same person.  And you reach a point where you scream and clench your fists and say, "Damn, if I could just get my hands into their life and just change all the stupid things they're doing!"  You see them pitying themselves in their sad situation that they're stuck in, but you see so many ways out for them.  Whenever you mention one of these ways, they gently shut the gate you've slung wide open and remind you with sad eyes that this potential freedom cannot be.  They reinforce their thinking at every chance that they are helpless, that there is no way to change their situation.  But you see the truth!  You know something can be done.  You can plainly see the way to a better life for them.  But they have their eyes half closed as they exist day after day.  Why they do that?!  To heck if I know!  But I remember doing it myself.  I would have to say that it is a mindset they get trapped in.  Whatever the reason, whatever its beginning, it's there.  So, what do you do with it?    

Today I was feeling frustrated as I saw a loved one's life so clearly:  the steps they needed to take to strengthen themselves, the steps to change their stale, restricting situation.  And I wanted to just get my hands in there, to make them do what needed done to bring change and a better life.  But at the very same time, I knew that would never work.  Well, it might work in a temporary, dictatorial type of way, but I knew it was not the right way.  If they were going to change, it would have to be their decision.  The only thing I could change was myself.  

Well, that sounds stupid.  They are the one that needs changing, right?  How is changing one of my flaws ever going to help them see what they need to change in their lives?  The truth of it is, if I try to change them, I will frustrate myself to the point of hating them, being rude to them, definitely not helping them in their situation.  The only way to keep my attitude and perspective about them correct is to just change things I actually have the power to change, such as myself.  And amazingly enough, this has often gotten the ball rolling for someone else to start change in their lives.  Maybe them seeing me happy and unafraid of change gives them the courage they need.  Maybe my complete acceptance of them exactly the way they are gives them that loving comfort zone that makes them dare to step out.  Whatever it is that does it, it works.    

So when I start to get all torqued up, I try to remember that I'm just building a useless frustration if my focus is to try to make them change.  Instead, I remind myself to shift my focus onto something I can do in my own life, a project I've been meaning to finish, a tantalizing story idea to work on.  And before I know it, I'm happier, they're happier and we're both working together to make our lives better.  It works so much better than pointing out their faults in an accusing sort of way, as if I don't have any of my own.  

As I was writing this post, I found a quote on the Facebook page of a writer friend of mine, Liz Hamm.  It says:   "If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change.  As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change toward him….We need not wait to see what others do."  --Mahatma Gandhi  

One of the secrets to helping other people to change is to change yourself.  You are the influence that evokes change in others.  

My friend has a blog as well.  Go check it out at www.bookwetzlhamm.blogspot.com  She writes excellent poetry that will make you feel magic again.